Think about the last time you had dinner with someone else. How much of it do you remember? Do you remember the textures and tastes of the food you had? Do you remember what you spoke about? Or maybe you were not fully engaged, checking emails, social media or even thinking about other responsibilities. You’re not alone if you can’t answer much of the first few questions. We live hectic lives, and we juggle so many responsibilities it’s not easy to stay present when we’re engaging in things that we do every single day. But you wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t – like me – trying to find ways to be more mindful and grounded, in a distraction laden world. So, I’d like to share some of my go-to practices for when I just feel like I’m not being present enough with those around me.
Technology curfew. I try and stick to a strict 7pm technology deadline for my evenings. This is usually about the time me and my partner sit down for dinner, so we use this as a way to encourage ourselves to really engage with our food and each other. We talk about our days; we talk about future adventures and we talk about our food (we’re big foodies in my household). You could start by having a “no technology at the table” rule and then maybe work towards putting away the electronics for the whole evening.
Engage as the listener. Sometimes when I’m talking to someone else, I do that thing some people do when you’re trying to relate to the other person as they’re sharing, so you start excitedly butting in with your own experiences. Being on the receiving end of that is incredibly frustrating and can often lead you to feel undervalued. Next time when someone is sharing something with you, try not to speak until they’re done and think about questions you can ask them to engage them more. Not only does this make you more present in the conversation as you have to really listen to know what questions to ask, but the other person will value your interest.
Get involved in activities. Whether it’s a silly game, homework, joining in with things your partner loves or helping a friend move to a new house; enjoy doing something purely because you’re doing it with someone else. We’re often dismissive to things that are not of our interest or maybe we think are cumbersome, but we forget that if we do not try to appreciate time with others, life will fly passed us and we’ll wish we spent more of it with those we care about. Mindfulness teaches us to find the wonder in things we usually find mediocre, so take some of that energy with you.
Just BE. We have this funny thing about awkward silences. We’re always trying to fill the void with meaningless words, frightened to hear the ambience of stillness. But there’s so much to be said in comforting silence. Just sitting with someone else without saying anything, just near each other, can be a sign of support and trust. And I don’t mean sit next to them while you’re on your phone. We all do that. Be fully present in the moment, enjoying the experience together. It’ll be a little unspoken reminder that you feel comfortable around each other.
At the end of the day, showing up with your presence is the best way to show someone you love and care for them. Hopefully you can take a little bit of something from any of these practices, not only to your valued relationships, but to everyone you meet.
Enjoy your practice,
Jess
